| Past Performance E-Mails | |||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Well, I made the annual pilgrimage to Macca and Abbey Road Studios a fortnight ago. Glad to see my American graffiti from last year was still visible.
I must say, it is a bit of an annoyance that the Brits keep covering it over with all that non-sense about peace and love.
What always surprises me about the famous “Zebra” crossing at Abbey Road is how much the traffic has increased since the Beatles took their Album cover photo….
(Click on image to watch movie)
….and I must say, if you wait long enough you will see some crazy things crossing that Beatle crosswalk!
Now that I am back on the newer side of the pond, the side with all the space and stuff, I plan to make use of my new accent when Al the Singing IT Geek performs with Rob the Drummer this Friday at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville at 9 PM.
For one night only… come and cross the newly relocated Abbey Road Crosswalk (relocation performed not unlike that of London Bridge), have yourself a nice warm beer while treating yourself to a “Mac-a-Cheese” special and enjoying a night dedicated to the music of Badfinger, Mary Hopkins, Billy Preston and Ringo.
Cheers,
albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
In honor of the FIFA World Cup, and in celebration of the greatest game on the plan…OUCH
I seem to have bruised my typing finger…..ALL BETTER! Seems all I needed was a quick ride in a stretcher!
All kidding aside, stretchers can be very dangerous depending upon who is driving
Anyhow, now that England have bombed out of the World Cup, my good friend and supporter Wayne Rooney (seen below “Treeking” …while phoning me) has had some free time to try and raise awareness for my upcoming gigs. Rumor has it he may pass through The Crown & Hammer on Friday night. He will be the one wearing ill-fitting socks.
I am hoping to see ALL of you there at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville this Friday night at 9PM …and when I say “ALL of you” I am not speaking collectively, but rather to that very special and select few who aspire to Treek on by (http://www.treeking.org/)
Regards,
albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
First singers fined for lip-synching
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Rock star Sting says teachers should be
paid more
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Vatican makes peace with the Beatles
By ALESSANDRA RIZZO, Associated Press Writer Alessandra Rizzo, Associated Press Writer – Mon Apr 12, 10:50 am ET VATICAN CITY – The Vatican has finally made peace with the Beatles, saying their drug use, "dissolute" lives and even the claim that the band was bigger than Jesus are all in the past — while their music lives on. Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano paid tribute to the Fab Four in its weekend editions, with two articles and a front-page cartoon reproducing the crosswalk immortalized on the cover of the band's album "Abbey Road." The tribute marked the 40th anniversary of the band's breakup. "It's true, they took drugs; swept up by their success, they lived dissolute and uninhibited lives," said the paper. "They even said they were more famous than Jesus," it said, recalling John Lennon's 1966 comment that outraged many Catholics and others. "But, listening to their songs, all of this seems distant and meaningless," L'Osservatore said. "Their beautiful melodies, which changed forever pop music and still give us emotions, live on like precious jewels." It is not the first time the Vatican has praised the legendary band from Liverpool. Two years ago, Vatican media hailed the Beatles' musical legacy on the 40th anniversary of the "White Album." And last month the Vatican paper included "Revolver" in its semiserious list of top-10 albums. Now, L'Osservatore says that the Beatles' songs have stood the test of time, and that the band remains "the longest-lasting, most consistent and representative phenomenon in the history of pop music." Giovanni Maria Vian, the editor in chief of L'Osservatore Romano, said Monday that he loves the Beatles. He said that at the time of Lennon's sensational statement, Osservatore "commented that in reality it wasn't that scandalous, because the fascination with Jesus was so great that it attracted these new heroes of the time."
THE VATICAN semiserious list of TOP TEN ALBUMS (no shit….In order of release) 1. Revolver by the Beatles (I would have thought they’d pick Magical Mystery Tour) 2. If I Could Only Remember My Name by David Crosby (He can’t remember his name because he was wasted the entire time… and not on communion wine) 3. The Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd (guess it was the “"The Great Gig in the Sky” that got them the node…or perhaps “Us and Them”) 4. Rumors by Fleetwood Mac (lots of Divorce and Infidelity found here…go figure) 5. The Nightfly by Donald Fagen (Pretty sure Donald Pagan is Jewish and in his song IGY he is describing a post religious world) 6. Thriller by Michael Jackson (insert Pedophile Joke Here) 7. Graceland by Paul Simon (Think we have some serious Pagan worship in there) 8. Achtung Baby by U2 (This choice must be dumb luck as U2 is THE Christian rock band no one ever mentions as such) 9. (What’s the story) Morning Glory by Oasis (Seriously? Well…I guess they were after the Cain and Able angle with this one) 10. Supernatural by Carlos Santana (They must not have heard Carlos say this before they choose his album.. ''Religion turns into 'My god's bigger than your god; therefore, you're a heathen, and you should die, and I'll take your land and build a temple on top of your flattened house.' Religion is a corrupt business. 'Spirituality is like water and sun. When it rains, the prostitute and the pope get wet just the same. Spirituality is not memorizing the Koran or the Bible while hurting people in the name of Allah or Jesus or Buddha or oil. We are all chosen. Surely we have the capacity to transmute anger and fear into a masterpiece of joy.'' …and just when you are about to say Hallelujah Carlos, Santana goes on to add, "I know it sounds New Age...but in my meditation, this entity which is called Methatron said to me, ' we want to hook you back to the radio airwave frequency. We want you to reach junior high schools, high schools and universities - Once you reach them - because we are going to connect you with the best artists of the day -then we want you to present them a new menu. Let them know that they are themselves, multi-dimensional spirits with enormous possibilities and opportunities. We want you to present them with a new form of existence that transcends religion, politics or the modus operandi of education today. This country was founded on a bible in one hand and guns in the other." – Rolling Stone Magazine Interview
Jockeying for position on the Vatican list was a long, hard fought battle. Below you see Bono campaigning, with Chocolates no less, for inclusion in the Vatican Top Ten. Lucky for Bono, he brought the cool Pope an assortment of “Nuts & Chews”….his favorite.
And here we see the Pope telling Dylan “you forgot the chocolates”… and that not a single one of the “Born Again Trilogy” made the grade! Too obvious it seems…
Dylan played spiteful renditions of “Highway 61” and Maggie’s Farm” in response.... as the Pope contemplated Godiva.
Assuming I am not struck by lightning, I will be performing with Livio Pop on Drums this week at the Olive Bar in Unionville @ 8 PM on Thursday and at the Crown & Hammer @ 9 PM on Friday. Come on down as I will seriously be performing selections exclusively from the albums on the Vatican’s Semiserious Top Ten…. and bring some chocolates….I like “Nuts & Chews” also.
Albino
PS..I do not have a joke for this one….check out the shoes! and let your mind do the rest….
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hello…I have had a last minute gig added to my schedule! Tonight at Avon Old Farms Inn. I am hoping it will be a duo gig and I am currently seeking out player #2. I already asked Paul McCartney to join me, but he said I play too many Lennon & Harrison songs. I told him we could do “Say Say Say” but alas he declined.
I will be performing my own rendition of “Maybe I’m Amazed” just to spite him…. Albino You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Dalai Lama says faith
can bring Woods discipline
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hello All…BAD NEWS. Unfortunately, I will not be able to play this evening at Café Mozart. Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Pneumonia. I am told I am very contagious and given the way I slut around my audience and spray when I sing… it seems best for all your sake’s that I stay home.
I am really sorry and feel bad, not just because I have pneumonia, but because I will miss a golden opportunity to play for you all. I really have to start wearing a shirt when I play, especially during the Winter. I thought the scarf would help but chiffon can only offer so much warmth.
So I will use this time to reflect, scribble down my fever induced gibberish and write a song just like Neil Young did when he wrote “Cowgirl In The Sand”.
I am sure I will be rescheduling soon…shirt firmly on back!
Albino
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Rare
Charles Darwin book found on toilet bookshelf
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the
violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for
about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was
calculated that thousands of people went through the station, most of
them on their way to work. Three minutes went by and a middle aged man
noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a
few seconds and then hurried up to meet his schedule. A minute later,
the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in
the till and without stopping continued to walk. A few minutes later,
someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at
his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work. The
one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged
him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally
the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head
all the time. In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people
stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to
walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and
silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there
any recognition. No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one
of the top musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate
pieces ever written, with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
On Friday, February 5th, a second social experiment will be performed, this time by the albinoTree, and it will go something like this: Two men step to the corner of a restaurant in Collinsville, CT; it is a cold February evening. The men play original compositions amongst a collection of cover songs for about 3 hours. During this time, since it will be Friday evening, it can be estimated that 75 to 100 people will pass through the restaurant, most of them on their way to a buzz. Three minutes before the music starts, several tables of diners will arise and leave before they can be bothered. Twenty minutes will then go by and a middle aged man will look up from his plate and for the first time notice there are musicians playing ten feet away from him. He will momentarily put down his fork and then hurry to finish his French Fries with his fingers. A minute later, the musicians receive their first request: “Freebird”. A few minutes after this, a drunk will lean against the wall seemingly to listen, the man will look at the watch upon the wrist of his drinking hand cascading his Bud Light down the front of his trousers. During the evening, the person who will pay the most attention will be a 38 year old man who has recently started learning guitar. As he intently watches the chord changes, his wife will nag him to leave. Finally she will storm out and the man will reluctantly follow, turning his head several times as he leaves trying to make out the chords of the bridge. In the 3 hours the musicians will play, 6 people will ask for requests but then talk during the performance of said request prompting the requester to inquire, “hey when are you going to play my request?” About 20 people will clap and cheer at random intervals while watching the game. On 2 of these occasions the outbursts will coincide with the ending of a song. When the musicians finally finish playing no one will notice. The chatter will continue. No one will applaud. There will be little recognition, except for two people who will go out of their way to approach the musicians and say nice words of encouragement thus nullifying the effects of the ill manors of 73 to 98 people. No one will know this but the guitarist is Al Guimaraes and he believes since the introduction of Rockband & Guitar Hero that Karaoke may be the only future for real musicians. He will have played from his soul, his own compositions and a handful of the best songs ever written, with a guitar that cost $503 in 1989.
Additional possible
conclusions from these experiments:
dollar instrument….you could be making a decent living.
pretending to be rock stars.
to key historical plays. Come on out and see Rob and I fake the Rockband dream this Friday night at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville, CT where we will prove once and for all it is never too cold for music… if you put your heart into it.
Cursing that rodent in Punxsutawney,
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Happy New Year everyone! This time around I bring you some more fruits of my research into my band name.This week’s episode…The 10 Most Magnificent Trees in the World or 10 Trees Not Good Enough To Be My Logo.
Rob Gottfried and I will be found performing upon our natural wood instruments, made from lesser know but just as magnificent trees as those above, at the Shish Lounge in West Hartford on New Year’s Eve, the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville on FRIDAY 1/1 and at the Avon Old Farms Inn Tavern the following Saturday 1/9. Drop in, shake the funk and toss that resolution to the ground!
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hey fellow New Yawkers. I have had a last minute gig pop up at Café Mozart in Mamaroneck, tomorrow, Wednesday @ 7:30. I will play towards 11 PM. Hope to see some of you there eating some of Mozart’s favorite desserts.
If I do not see you, please have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
albino |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
I have recently been asked several times, ”What is this albinoTree?”, “Where can I see one for myself?”. “What’s it all about Al G?”. And though I randomly chose the name, I figured it was about time I found out just what this moniker of mine meant. So instead of making some stuff like “Albino is my full first name” or “I like the symbolic weight of a tree” or “I named myself after a graphic I made bored at work one day”, I figured I oughta do some research…and lo and behold… I found out FAR more than I could ever have imagined or dreamed up on my own!
What the albinoTree looks like: Though not an ash, the trunk of the albinoTree does have an ashy color. Its leaves are heart shaped, they follow the sun and when they rustle in the breeze it looks as if they are beating. The albinoTree comfortably sways along in the winds of change. In the fall, as the albinoTree’s leaves start to shed, its bark seems to blush. The albinoTree appears to be reaching for the sky but is firmly planted. So much so, its roots reach China. The albinoTree concentrates of bearing one single perfectly symmetrical flawless fruit at a time. The fruit falls far from the albinoTree and its seeds spread themselves. The albinoTree is said to grow by word of mouth. The albinoTree is lightning proof. Moss will not grow on an albinoTree nor will Poison Ivy dare cling to it. The circumference of an albinoTree never grows larger than the hug of an average sized man and people won’t look at you funny if you are that man. The albinoTree usually can be found on the outskirts of the forest looking in. If ever there was a forest of albinoTrees, you could see the forest and the trees and IF one of them fell in that forest it could clearly be heard to say “excuse me”. The albinoTree is indigenous to Jerusalem, Mecca, St. Petersburg, Rome, Hollywood and the North Pole. It seems to grow wherever it is needed. Every Desert Oasis contains at least one albinoTree. The albinoTree is the only tree that will grow on One Tree Hill and could grow on top of Everest if it wanted to.
The Nature of the albinoTree: Couples who carve their initials in a heart on an albinoTree, never breakup. Birds LOVE the albinoTree because it listens. Dogs refuse to piss on an albinoTree. The only way to break a branch of the albinoTree is to hang a noose from it. Breathing albinoTree produced oxygen makes you high on life. You will never find a cat stuck in an albinoTree. No matter how hard you try you cannot fall out of an albinoTree. You cannot write lies on paper made from albinoTree. You don’t regret sleeping under an albinoTree in the morning. Wood from an albinoTree does not drift. Redwoods are jealous of albinoTrees. Willow cannot bring themselves to weep when planted near an albinoTree. You can climb an albinoTree up to a window to profess your love but not to peep. albinoTree sticks cannot break your bones. Placing an albinoTree log in your fireplace is an aphrodisiac.
Things made from the albinoTree: The Yule Log is a piece of an albinoTree… it burns so long and steady you’d think it was fake. You can make bridges out of the albinoTree but not fences. The most articulate smoke signal in the world are made from albinoTree smoke. Mistletoe is actually albinoTree saplings. The world’s best wines and whiskey ferment in casts made from albinoTree. The worms they place in tequila come from an albinoTree. There is no need to pressure treat wood from an albinoTree. Boats made out of the albinoTree cannot sink. You can go over the falls in a barrel, if that barrel is made from albinoTree. albinoTree paper cannot be used for speeding tickets. All peace pipes are whittled from albinoTree branches. You can’t make toilet paper out of an albinoTree. Stradivarius Violins, Steinway Pianos, Gibson Guitars & Gretsch Drums are all made from albinoTree. Supports for the Wright Brothers Plane were made out of albinoTree. The spruce Goose was NOT made out of an albinoTree or it would have flown much further. Noah’s ark was not built out of an albinoTree but its rudder was. Novels written on albinoTree paper write themselves. All covered wagon’s that safely made it across the US to California were made from albinoTrees. All the frames in the Louvre, Prado and Met are made from albinoTrees. Most Irish pubs have a bar made of albinoTree or at the very least stools. The fingerboard of Django’s guitar was made from albinoTree. The guitars Townsend smashed, Hendrix burned and Kiss played were NOT made from albinoTree. When you paint your masterpiece your brush will have an albinoTree handle.
The albinoTree in history: If you try to hide behind an albinoTree, one of its branches will reach down and point you out, in fact, God was standing behind an albinoTree when he saw Adam bite the apple. God was going to ignore what he saw but the albinoTree pointed him out to Adam and the rest is history. The Swiss Family Robinson, Tarzan and the Keebler Elves ALL call an albinoTree home. Buddha found enlightenment, Newton found gravity and Rip van Winkle found rest under an albinoTree. The third little pig actually built his house out of wood from an albinoTree but, everyone knows a wolf wouldn’t go anywhere near an albinoTree so the author had to change the last pigs house to brick. The charter oak was actually an albinoTree in disguise. The branch the dove brought Noah was actually from an albinoTree. George Washington cut down the Cherry Tree and fessed up to distract his dad from the fact that he tried but failed to cut down an albinoTree. U2’s album the Joshua Tree was going to be called the albinoTree but all the albinoTree’s they found made Bono look short. The giving tree….you guessed it! Charlie Brown Christmas tree was an albinoTree sapling. Paul Bunyan’s axe was not large enough to chop down an albinoTree. Jack went up a beanstalk but climbed down an albinoTree. The National Enquirer once tried to use albinoTree made paper but the ink would not stick. The next great American novel will be written on albinoTree paper. The Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights and the scripts for Curb Your Enthusiasm were all written on albinoTree paper. The albinoTree lets Chuck Norris punch it so he can build the calluses on his knuckles. Superman can’t see through an albinoTree, he doesn’t have too. All the seats in old Yankee stadium were made of albinoTree. Ted Williams, Babe Ruth & Roger Maris all used albinoTree bats. Mark McGwire did not he used steroids. Soma is not an albinoTree extract. Because of the quality of its wood, Viagra claims to contain albinoTree extract, but it does not. Wayne Gretzky stick was fashioned from an albinoTree. It was the albinoTree stage that made Dylan go electric at Newport in 65 (The handle of Pete Seeger’s Axe was not of albinoTree). In “Back to the Future II” the final log Doc throws in the engine furnace was made from albinoTree. An ant won’t go anywhere near an albinoTree much less try to move it. The yoke of the liberty bell is made out of albinoTree. Willy Wonka’s walking stick was made out of albinoTree. King Arthur’s Round Table was made out of albinoTree. Robin Hood’s favorite tree to hide in was an albinoTree. Glinda the Good Witch of the North rode an albinoTree broomstick. Pinocchio’s Nose was fashioned from albinoTree. The Snow White apple was NOT from an albinoTree. Dummy Charlie McCarthy was not made of albinoTree, nor was the pedestal Edgar Bergen rested Charlie on during his performances BUT, the case he kept Charlie in was made of albinoTree. Sometimes it would stick closed for no apparent reason. The first fire was started with kindling from an albinoTree. Joan of Arc’s Stake, Jesus Christ’s Cross and the Trojan Horse all NOT from an albinoTree. When John Wiles-Booth jump from Lincoln’s box, he broke his ankle because he landed on an albinoTree made stage. Dali’s clocks are melting over an albinoTree abstraction. In J.D. Salinger’s Rye field, there was an albinoTree guarding the other edge.
….AND THAT IS JUST SCRATCHING THE SURFACE! Do you know any facts about the albinoTree? If so, bring them to Infinity Hall (made from albinoTree) or the Crown & Hammer (also made from albinoTree) and share them with me (in between songs. not during them J).
Regards for a terrific holiday season,
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Speaking of Monkeys…there has been much news lately about “Missing Links”. If you have not heard, “Ida” has now surpassed “Lucy” as the oldest “Missing Link”. What has struck me about all this is…why are all these “Links” women? Why aren’t there any fully intact male skeletons being found? Making use of my 20 year old Anthropology 101 knowledge, I have given the questions at hand some thought and come up with the following theory:
Ladies. Gentleman. Distinguished Scientists. When we consider the lives of our Monkey Man ancestors we know for certain they were cave dwellers. We also know that caves have stone walls which result in a great deal of echo and reverberation. Coupling such extreme echo with the age old female “nag” reflex,
it stands to reason that the Monkey Man would seek solace away from the noise and in the great outdoors …
….where they would subsequently be eaten by the Giant Lizards. Eaten, digested and discarded as a pile of dung. Thus…no skeletal remains.
Now at first glance this might appear preposterous… Monkey Men walking the earth with Giant Lizards?
But here is…
undisputed proof.
There IS more…for it is only when following this Monkey Men/Giant Lizard line of reasoning to its logical and natural conclusion that we reveal the TRUELY shocking fact hidden in historical plain sight…
Giant Lizards did not eat Monkey Men for mere sustenance, RATHER they did so in jealous rages and in the sole interest of getting with Monkey Man’s women!
….and the women did not seem to mind! Which may just account for the reptilian nature found in so many of those walking amongst us to this very day!
Chew on that Darwin!
It’s just a theory…..or is it? You decide.
Either way, come ponder the possibilities at Avon Old Farms Inn Tavern on Thursday evening October 22nd and/or at the Infinity Hall Bistro in Lovely Norfolk, CT on Friday October 30th. I will be performing with my new friend Rob “the Drummer”.
Go, Go Godzilla! Regards,
Al “the Photoshop Geek”
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
I have been travelling a bit and thought I would bring along some light reading…so after breezing through “The Naked Ape” by Morris, I picked up Huxley’s “Island” and as I am passing over Washington D.C. I get to a section that reads… “But whether we shall be able to persuade you people to follow our example, or whether we shall even be able to preserve our tiny oasis of humanity in the midst of your worldwide wilderness of monkeys - that alas is another question.” ….
…and it occurs to me ….. I think that Chump is calling me a Chimp! A Gorilla! A Binobo! If that so called “intellectual” wasn’t dead… I’d have to apply the laws of the jungle and give him a beat down! What? I’m sorry…. What did you say? …”that would be proving his point”. Hum…tricky bastard that Huxley…seems the joke is on me…monkey boy. Guess I will have to climb the highest tree and stretch to rise above, aspiring to ascend from Apedom!
Now in my attempt to climb the tallest tree, (not the albinoTree, though strong and beautifully exfoliated, it is on the shorter more rotund side) the critics may say their critical things and the naysayers may say “nay” or “nah” or “no” or “nee” or all together now “naynahnonee” and the “Man”…. he may just laugh the evil laugh of he who holds the strings and the money and feeds his fat ugly white face the misery of the masses…..and Mom may add to the chorus “Eat your Vegetables!”
BUT I will insert my fingers into my ears and CLIMB ON UNDAUNTED AND UNDETERMINED! Though it makes for a slow climb, good thing I can grab on to the tree with my monkey feet as my hands are of course otherwise engaged.
Monkey Boy - albinobo
I can be found rocking on “Daunted and Determined” on the stage in the far corner of the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville on Friday 10/2 @ 9:30 and the following Friday 10/9 at Avon Old Farms Inn Tavern where I will be playing my first duo gig with Rob “the Drummer” Gottfried. Now you may ask why I have yet to mention or poke fun at Rob. Well…. truth is we just recently met and I simply do not know him well enough…. and taking one look at him…..
….you will quickly surmise it is a wise decision on my part.
Hope to see you there or there.
Regards,
Albinobo
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
BACK TO SCHOOL!
Two things to report this week….First… my wife was reading through my old High School Year Book and found the following quote from one of my teachers...”A Pleasure To Look At And Have In Class”. It was a more innocent time…or was it? If I only knew then pimples were such an aphrodisiac….
Today’s second topic, OBPPS, is of a deadly serious nature. What is OBPPS you say? I too was once as ignorant. I will now fill you in as part of my born again crusade….This past weekend I was pumping gas, listening to the “Gas Network”, when a Public Service Message shone down upon me enlightenment from the overhead speakers, bursting apart my here to for serene life and opening my eyes to a most horrible affliction poised to once again rear its gruesome head come the first day of the school year… Yes OBPPS better known by its street name “Oversized Back Pack Posture Syndrome” is a syndrome afflicting no less than two sevenths of all our school children between grades 1 and 7.
See below poor little Sally MacDougal, Grade 4….
True it is too late for her as within minutes of this photo being taken her tiny knees buckled and she was crushed under the weight of her love of learning, BUT it is not too late to use her misfortune as fodder to educate the masses. That is why after what is clearly limited thought and certainly less research, I have decided to dedicate the rest of my life and ALL proceeds, tips included, from this week’s performance at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville to fighting this Vile Villainary Vandemon.
I have developed, at my own cost, the following Informational Flyer which will soon be circulated at area schools and at all future albinoTree performances.
And the following ad campaign will soon hit local cable after hours
Now one might think all those books would sufficiently educate the little rascals enough to suggest to them that they perhaps leave some of their books in their locker…. I will be pondering this and many other perils of wisdom from the stage in the far corner of the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville on Friday @ 9:30. Hope to see you there. Please come… for the sake of the childrens.
Regards,
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
“Beatles-Smeatles”…..as some of you may recall, last year Paul McCartney and his new Girlfriend Yoko stopped by the Grist Mill to see me perform.
I, of course, allowed Paul to “play a couple”, not sure I ever mentioned that before..…anyhow he played mostly “Ringo” solo tunes which he ghost wrote. Yoko “sang” along but, having control of the PA, I made sure her mic was OFF. Recently, Paul was back in town again, well not in town really, in NYC for a gig at Citi Field and he of course called me up to returned the favor. So a couple Tuesday’s ago, just after I threw out the ceremonial first pitch and was offered a contract by the Mets, I played a short set a dusk. In tribute, I performed “Say,Say,Say” “Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da” & “How Can You Sleep?”. Soon after I finished, Paul rushed his band to the stage to capitalize on the frenzy and played an inspiring set of electrifying songs. “Listen To What The Man Said” being the climax…. “The wonder of it all”..INDEED! It was all I could Imagine…..
After my set I presented Paul with some of my “merch”. Proud as a Peacock was he!
Well my personalized picks should be ready in time for next week’s gigs at Avon Old Farms in Avon on Thursday @ 7PM and at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville on Friday @ 9:30. Hope to see you there. If you do come by, wear some eye protection as I will be “flicking picks” like a man possessed.
Regards,
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
According to the Crown & Hammer, I use to be Generous, Al Generous. Apparently because of this generosity I am now simply De Man… http://www.crownandhammer.com/entertainment.html ... as in DeManIs, Al.
As such, I will be strumming and swashbuckling with added swagger this evening. Pirates are such fantastic nick name/alter ego creators! Rock (the boat) on!
Hope some of you can make it
Al
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Just got back from an impromptu multiclass High School reunion of sorts and I am left feeling old and young all at the same time. I think I like it?! On my way to the reunion I thought to myself “I am going to get a chance to live the saying “If I knew then what I know now” BUT my miscalculation was destined to be… THEY NOW KNOW ALSO!
During the reunion, the smell of salt and nostalgia in the air got me to thinking of our collective life’s journey as an “armada of vessels traversing the sea of years”. Now truth be told, the smell of salt could have been a result of my wife’s Margarita, as along with the wisp of salt came a hint of lime, but never the less, I am gonna run with my “salt water Ships in the Night” metaphor anyway….
…there was a moment last night when left alone, encircled by the past and taking on water (actually Jack Daniels), that I started to see all of these people around me as an armada of vessels traversing the sea of years together, all having left port and set out in close proximity… all on different courses… all in a similar direction… all with the same destination…all now together once more for a mid-odyssey open ocean tethering and ration assessment. When I peered across my peers, I saw some vessels knotted together as expected. Some vessels regrouped having previously been out of site and range. Some I know veered in from troubled waters. Some even made it weathering a perfect storm. Some had witnessed smooth sailing or had scrambled to make things look as such…ship shape on deck whilst in the hull chaos reigned. How many remained captain of their own ship? How many flew the pirate colors, the colors I for one find so slimming. How many amongst them widening amidships, heavy in the aft? How many were adrift or barely afloat? True some showed the scares of being run aground and some were graced with more baggy wrinkle than others…some more barnacles. Some clearly had had the barnacles surgically removed and the baggy wrinkles refitted. Some clearly had found any port in a storm… some many. Some just seemed to have banged against the rocks until the weather cleared. There were those sailing two sheets to the wind and navigating by a thumb in the air. Some clearly had been caught kissing the gunner’s daughter while others remained as battened down and squared away as ever. And though many loose cannon’s were noted and some vessels now flew under different colors, my armada was a welcomed sight indeed.
So as I paused my personal voyage in the eye of the storm, standing about the scuttlebutt, swapping tall tales of white whales and mermaids, mid-sea triangles and Atlantis, our collective Arc of Visibility shortened by our vanishing angle inching ever closer to 360, Captain Jack instilled in me the courage to climb the main mast all the way to the crow’s nest, raise my looking glass to my unpatched eye and look out upon the final question looming ever larger on the horizon…will I go down with the ship?.. and if not, at Journey’s end, will I be walking the gangway….or the plank… and will Steve Perry be there to greet me or his Filipino imposter!? Don’t Stop Believin’!
I for one believe next time I will opt for a sip of Sue’s Margarita, seeking instead the fiesta, for it appears in times of nostalgia, Captain Jack (Daniel’s) is akin to Davy Jones and some things are just too deep to fully fathom at this point in the wayfaring.
You can find me on the widow’s walk moaning songs of longing and lose at The Crown & Hammer, a place full of Pirates, on the shores of the Farmington river in Collinsville on July 3rd and at Café Mozart, a stone’s throw from the sound, in the port of my birth, Mamaroneck, on July 10th
Paddling on….life preserver firmly in grasp
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Yes this weekend I will be performing two private functions. One expansive and the other quite intimate. You are all not invited to either…now don’t think I didn’t try to get you ALL on the list. I even promised you’d ALL bring gifts, but alas…no luck. Closed Doors! Unwelcomed are ye. Perhaps if you were more “popular” but no… shut-ins, shut-outs all.
To give you a glimpse of what you will be missing…the first private function, to be held by the Vanderlaine’s, is a “Nudist” Sweet Sixty Party. No, I do not need to perform in the buff as that was decided to be in poor taste. Rather, my instructions are to attend in an all white gem stone studded jump suit with matching blind fold. I will of course perform my set, exclusively powered by Neil Diamond ditties, facing away from the audience so they might gaze upon my ruby’d buttock as it bounces to “Cherry Cherry”… not unlike George Michael cheeking time to his “Faith”.
The second private function is the anniversary cruise for the Wallace’s. Celebrating their third anniversary aboard dingy # 2, where, rather than play music, I have been asked by Wendy Wallace to use my guitar to paddle and propel the two lovebirds across the Long Island Sound from Bridgeport to Port Jefferson so they might have lunch at a sound side bistro where their love was ignited by Cherry Jubilee some 3 years and two days ago. They have chosen me because I am one of the few area musician/rowers who can swim (neither of the Wallace’s can) and of course they heard about my near Olympic rowing stint in the Seventies which has for years now figured prominently throughout my online musical resume. “Guitarist/Rower Wins Again!” “Is it the Paddler or the Paddle? A story of Local Perseverance” “Al Guimaraes, or was that water Guimartist”. I can row with the best of them.
You will all be in my thoughts this weekend as I ponder what you are missing. Please do not embarrass me by trying to crash either occasion. The authorities have been alerted and I am afraid I will be unable to protect you.
Albino
PS I am also playing at Chamard Vineyard on Sunday for lunch
http://www.chamard.com/index.htm
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/Gigs/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
GM in deal to sell Hummer,
but won't say to whom
I’m figuring whoever holds the reigns on the bailout money is getting the Hummer, but like the high class working girl GM is (they own Cadillac you know the choice of 4 out of 5 Pimps), mums.. or should I say “Hums” the word.
Speaking of Hummers, we (actually more than one of us as Gene Santini will be joining me for the Cypress Gig) will be playing songs to hum along to at Cypress in Middletown on Thursday 6/11 at 7 PM and at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville on Friday 6/12 at 9PM or so. I will be sending the company car to pickup Gene for the gig…
The company car is of course the physical embodiment of the understated and refined elegance that is our music.
Hope to see some of you there or there. Parking may be difficult… so come early.
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
I will be returning to my home town, donning my guitar on the avenue of my birth and serenading one of THE true loves of my life. I courted her through High School. I returned to her from College. To this day, I escape my responsibilities and suburban existence and go to her when the opportunity arises! She is of course…..
Sal’s Pizzeria! Yes, she is rude and dismissing. Yes, her popularity has made her stuck up. Yes, her walls are tiled with the wears of many a different maker. Is it her very indifference that makes the sauce SO sweet, the dough SOOO firm? Oh, you heavenly scented scamp….be mine and mine alone! But alas, she merely plays with my heart for she cannot love.
As the oven of her nectar brings forth joy to the many, I know I will sing, betwixt her window and the moon, songs of love and devotion, songs of rage and blues as I look upon the line that will form at her door, taunting me with a lecherous queue of hunger eyes, waiting with eager anticipation to lay down filthy cash from dirty hands and seize the opportunity to take, to touch, to taste my true love… as if their own.
Oh, Sal’s Pizzeria…you cruel vixen of the avenue, you cheesy slut, you Roman tomato whore, you garlic harlot of my motherland…forgive me….I love you….be mine.
I will be found pining with my compatriots, Greg DiMiceli and Paul Bremner, and putting the “tree” back in albinoTree in front of Café Mozart on Thursday evening June 4th @ 7PM or there abouts.
Hope to see some of your there…..no saucy grins please.
Albino
You can check the website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
The Grateful Dead have their “Deadheads”. Jimmy Buffett has his “Parrott Heads”. Kiss has its “Army”. It occurs to me I must have a name for my hoard of fans! How about the “Takers”? Nah, “Group of One” perhaps? Nope. Oh I will give it some more thought and get back to you….suggestions from within the hoard are welcomed.
In any event, I will be playing this Friday again at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville… voted one of the 10 Coolest Small Towns in the nation!
The other 9… • Millerton, N.Y. • Milford, Pa. • Yachats, Ore. • Waitsburg, Wash. • Paia, Hawaii • Parkville, Mo. • Silver City, N.M. • Peterborough, N.H. • Tuscumbia, Ala.
Come see and be seen…and let the local coolness infuse you…come a dork leave a dude! Come a broad leave a babe!
I guarantee it!
Yours truly,
Al Generous
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hello All!
Seems bad cell reception has given me a last minute gig this Friday @ around 9:30 or so at the Crown & Hammer in Collinsville, but more importantly, a new stage name…Al Generous! I for one think it is a keeper!
http://crownandhammer.com/entertainment.html
Come on down to the Crown and Hammer…apparently, drinks are on me! I also will be giving away many of my belongings, advice from the heart, loans and rides home. Might even play a song or two.
Yours truly,
Al Generous
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hello Folks! Happy Easter to some of you and “I hope you enjoyed your Sunday past” to the rest!
See the Jesus Fish! <*)})><
Holy Mackerel … watch out Jesus Fish!
><((({((*{
><(((({((*{ <*)})><
><((({((*{
Poor Jesus Fish….
><((({((*{
<*~~~>< ><((((({(((*{
><((({((*{
Tick Tock.. Tick Tock.. Tick Tock.. Holy Mackerel…welcome back Jesus Fish!
<*)})><
I recently got an email from a friend that had the type key character Jesus fish above (<*)})>< )… I’d say something about too much time on their hands but given my use of said fish in bringing even more “fish” to the multitudes, I am no one to cast stones…while we are talking Bible…I recently started reading the Bible as a means to better understand my world and our shared history…we all know that in the Bible God builds the world in 6 days, but did you know that by page 10 he got so disgusted with our race that he drowns everyone… beside of course for Noah and his boat load…..a lesser God would have saved that grand gesture for a big Hollywood ending!
I have a couple more dates coming up at Avon Old Farms Inn on SATURDAY 4/18 & next FRIDAY 4/24 @ 7 PM… assuming that is, I am not struck by lightning between now and then….or a flood.
Keeping his umbrella by his side and not over his head,
Albino
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let me know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Hello all:
Here is a shot from my recent residency at the Metropolitan Museum.
The folks below sat there for 45 minutes waiting for the music to start. Apparently they thought someone had paused the DVD. Finally, someone had to tell them it was just a painting, not a 105 inch flat screen and I was not in fact triplets, but rather could be found singularly, in the flesh, in the basement Relics room next to the Non-Computer Related Instruments closet and the Live Music Archive drawer….they never did make it down. Unfortunately, it is my understanding, they were allergic to dust and afraid to be out of range of the glow of an actual television.
They asked for my business card though……go figure
I will be dusting off my “old time strumy thing” and plugging it into my “new fangled pedal-ly whats-its”… putting them all to good use as the PAST and PRESENT collide in the FUTURE at Avon Old Farms Inn Tavern on Saturday, March 7th @ 7 PM.
PS. If you are interested in what the “pedal-ly” things actually do…
(Clockwise from top left) Blues Pedal - Four Guitar settings - Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Eric Clapton & Robert Johnson (don't use the Johnson setting but it is cool to have) Lady GoDriver Pedal - Adds that hint of femininity chicks dig. The "Green" Pedal - Shows me the money. Tuner Pedal - Chooses which song is played next. Accelerator Pedal - Makes bad gigs go by faster. Loop Pedal - Plays all the music your hear, even when I am on break. I am unnecessary really and exist strictly for marketing purposes. Black Pedal – Filters out all joy and happiness from a song, slows it down, changes it to a Minor key and adds a “Woe is Me” to all refrains. De Lay Pedal - Makes me instantly more attractive. Eraser Pedal - Turns all Bad notes into Jazz notes. http://www.albinotree.com/TheSecretOfSuccess.htm
Meanwhile…waiting on Spring with the anticipation of a Jack-In-The-Box winder,
Albino
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Well, I feel a bit empty at the moment…I have Nothing to say - Nothing Is Impossible - Pay Nothing Until April - Much Ado About Nothing - Nothing but Net - Nothing much happens here - The bright side of Nothing - Nothing more Nothing less - Nothing Left to Lose - Nothing ventured Nothing gained - Nothing happens in June - Sometimes, Nothing Works - Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself - Nothing is Free - Nothing Succeeds like Success - Nothing is certain - Nothing is ever good enough - Nothing is ever good enough - There is Nothing Stopping You - Nothing But The Truth - I am Nothing's Friend - Nothing here will stay - Nothing says bowling like hot pink - There's Nothing seedy about Mink - Nothing Compares 2 U - Nothing like a vodka afternoon - Nothing New Under the Sun - Welcome to Nothing - They had Nothing! - All or Nothing - Nothing is pre-recorded - Money for Nothing - Nothing, and I mean Nothing From Nothing Leaves Nothing - Is there Nothing better than a day - I say Nothing - I am Nothing - Nothing goes in a straight line - I did Nothing with it - Nothing Is Underrated - To avoid criticism do Nothing - Almost Nothing - we believe Nothing - Nothing seems to have been forgotten - Nothing left to do but dance - Nothing is more contagious - I have Nothing to say - Nothing to prove - Nothing, Nothing, Nothing…
“Feeling Like February. Like I Just Don’t Measure Up….Yet Thrown Some Hope Every Now And Again To Keep Me From Giving Up.”
Actually, I’m fine! Haven’t felt better! I could not think of anything to write so I Googled “Nothing” and found all this! I LOVE Lego’s.
If you are not busy and looking for a good time…..I will be sequentially piecing together the building blocks of a host of “very sad songs” in the fashion of upbeat tempos at Avon Old Farms Tavern on FRIDAY February 20th @ 6 PM.
Warmest Regards,
Albino
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
In this the holiday season…a season of thanks, reflection & forgiveness…I give you a potential reason to return to the breast of the church if you have found yourself adrift…..
Vatican forgives John Lennon for Jesus quip VATICAN CITY (Reuters) – The Vatican's newspaper has finally forgiven John Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, calling the remark a "boast" by a young man grappling with sudden fame. "The remark by John Lennon, which triggered deep indignation mainly in the United States, after many years sounds only like a 'boast' by a young working-class Englishman faced with unexpected success, after growing up in the legend of Elvis and rock and roll," Vatican daily Osservatore Romano said."The fact remains that 38 years after breaking up, the songs of the Lennon-McCartney brand have shown an extraordinary resistance to the passage of time, becoming a source of inspiration for more than one generation of pop musicians,". (The actual article that caused the stir…http://beatlesnumber9.com/biggerjesus.html)
The Church has plans to introduce Beatles songs into the Standard “Guitar” Mass held weekly to bring in those who would otherwise be home listening to Pop Music records for inspiration. The current, Vatican approved, set includes: All You Need Is Love Let It Be Got To Get You Into My Life You Really Got A Hold On Me Maxwell’s Silver Hammer I’ve Just Seen A Face Think For Yourself And Magical Mystery Tour
Above, the Pope tries out a song that has not, as of yet, made the official list… “Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey“
Regards for a fantastic Holiday for you and yours, and thanks for putting up with my nonsense!
Al
PS…This could very well be the year I finally get something down and a CD out to you all! Then again…..
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Let me just start by saying a couple things…..I am not a Democrat. I am not a Republican. So without further adieu…. settle in…this is gonna be a long one……
Recently I have been getting all kinds of propaganda, the kind without cleaver Photoshop’d images with imbedded band logos. (see above)
This one in particularly “OBAMA’S TAX PLAN EXPLAINED WITH BEER” (in red below) made me nuts! It uses bits of truth and math! to incite Joe Six-pack to form a human wall of surfs around the castle of the rich land owner!
OBAMA’S TAX PLAN EXPLAINED WITH BEER
For those who understand, no explanation is needed (so don’t give it away or look suspicious) For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible. (we would never lie to you, so shut up and do as you are told)
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers,' he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beers by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.' The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner (actually he is the bar manager who works for the tenth man who actually owns the bar) suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before and the first four continued to drink for free, but once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. 'I only got a dollar out of the $20,' declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, 'but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right, exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got TEN times more than I!' 'That's true!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks! 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor! The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something very important....they didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works.
The people who pay the highest taxes DO get the most benefit from a tax reduction. They also PAY more than the rest. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
Steven R. Kramer, Ph.D. Professor of Economics
Nice story about those great rich people who are paying for all our beers and how we better be nice to them because they are looking out for us... right? The reason they are paying for the beers…..To keep us all drunk and stupid!
Let’s read the story again with the following in mind….
Suppose that every day, before the ten men go out for beer they go to work at the same company and that company pays those men a combined total of $1000 dollars. When they all belly up to the bar on pay day to celebrate the great company they work for which by the way is owned by the tenth man, it might go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would have a quarter each in the front pocket of the 1970’s Jordache Jeans they got from the Salvation Army. The fifth man would have $4 in the pocket of his Carhartts. The sixth man would have $12 in a wallet…because he can afford a wallet now. The seventh man would have $27 in a money clip because all rich people carry their money in money clips with gold embossed dollar signs on them. The eighth man would have $46 in a premium leather wallet showing some signs of wear. The ninth man would have $110…one One Hundred Dollar bill in one pocket tightly held in his fist and a Five Dollar bill wrapped by five Singles in the other pocket. The tenth man (the richest) would have $800 out in the limo with his driver.
Now they all worked eight hours, and sure some are smarter than others, more skilled, better looking, more connected, etc so they get paid different amounts, BUT when the bill comes and they reach into their pockets to pay their “fair share”….
The first four men (the poorest) would have a free ride… besides for everyone laughing at their jeans The fifth would pay $1 or 25% of the money he earned The sixth would pay $3 or 25% of the money he earned The seventh would pay $7 or 26% of the money he earned The eighth would pay $12 or 26% of the money he earned The ninth would pay $18 or 16% of the money he earned The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59 or 7% of the money he earned.
So they empty out into the street. Guys 5,6, 7 and 8 look at 9 and 10 and say you cheap bastards! We are busting our butts for this company (country), making you guys rich. Sure you paid twice as much as us all combined for the beer, but you are paying a mere quarter of what you should be paying!
So 9 and 10, seeing a fight coming, stand behind the first 4 guys and whisper in their ears… that guy 5, he’s a Socialistic Atheist… and that guy 6 wants to kill babies… and that guy 7 is gay and wants to French kiss you all… and that guy 8 he thinks he is so much smarter than you cause he lives in a big city and has running water……. So the first four guys turn to 9 and 10 and say REALLY!?!?
9 and 10 look them straight in the eye and say…with Jesus as our witness!
See below…the rich getting richer
…all you working stiffs have seen a 4.3% increase in pay… great right? As compared to corporate profits up 107%? CEO pay up 298%? Still think all those rich people are doing you a favor springing for some beers?
Don’t be bam-booze-aled. Greed knows no limits nor conscience.
Al Guimaraes, B.A. Got a B+ in Macro-Economics
So…. back to music…you can check out my next gig, where I will be found singing “Negro Work Songs, Calls & Spirituals” with Great Pride and Joy, on November 14th @ 6PM either at the Avon Old Farms Inn Tavern or somewhere abroad…depending on how the election goes….
Act Dumb but Vote Smart
Regards
Al
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
I realize the very fate of our country is hanging in the balance, BUT today I need to talk a bit about something far more important….responsibility in software coding… I recently got Cyber Punk’d by Craig’s List!
Now, I was not offended having been made to type “Gayly Iams”. Afterall, I am a secure American male who seeks to live gayly and with much joy. I have even been known to actually skip on occasion…but enough about that. My goal rather is to find the perpetrator and thank him for the little laugh we have all had at my expense…. and to offer him my hand in friendship.
So if you see this guy…Nerdly Iams
Or this guy….Geekishly Ibees
Or this guy.. No not Bono, the other guy…
…tell them I am looking for them to offer to them my hand in friendship… and my pledge to help them meet a woman…a real woman. I promise to stand behind them and watch as they wet themselves and stutter like a “stuck key on a gamer’s keyboard”. I will happily play the “Bono” to their “Gates”….wait a moment!..... perhaps…. Gayly Iams INDEED!
I will be found meshing my love of technology with my firm gasp of coolness, presenting the byproduct as song on Friday, October 17, 2008 at the Avon Old Farms Restaurant Tavern @ 6PM. Bring a nerd, geek or dweeb and receive a free drink for you…. and a wedgie for your friend (make sure I know which is which).
Act Dumb but Vote Smart
Al
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Politics, Politics, Politics! Historic! Monumental! Biblical perhaps! Either the first Minority President or the first Woman Vice President. How can we lose?!
Well, I have thought of a way we may already have….
….we all know the “Man” right? Sticking it to the “Man” before he sticks it to us is one of our favorite pastimes. I myself like to stick it to the “Man” every chance I get….and though none of us know exactly what the “Man” looks like, we all have a fairly good idea… wealthy, 55 to 75 years old male in a well tailored Brooks Brothers suit with an illegal Cuban cigar, a mistress and a different smirk on both sides of his “God” faring lilywhite face. Close right?
So, a minority President or a woman Vice President. Think about that for a moment folks…what does that do to our mental picture of the “Man”?
…..wander on into your favorite Mexican restaurant…the Mariachi band strolls up playing in their silver studded Charro outfits as you are dipping your corn chip is some salsa. The final refrain of “la Bamba” echoes across the Enchiladas as the Guitarron player (on the left below) leans in… tilts back his hat and reveals…..HE is the “MAN”.
….your at a Gangsta rap off, sippin’ some Gin and Juice… Thugs McRapper raises his clinched microphoned fist, removes his hood starts to smile and reveals etched in gold and crusted in diamonds on his front teeth…..HE is the “Man”
…its Passover Seder, you are in before dark gathered at the table for a Matzo feast, the Rabbi has arranged to “temporarily” care for all your chametz…an uneasy feeling comes over you as the Rabbi removes his kippah and reveals…..HE is the “Man”
…you are out shopping with your friend Bruce, the one who always notices your outfits and is always there with a “Your ARE NOT fat” just when you need it most. Together you are searching for the perfect pillow to complete your master bedroom ensemble when Bruce turns his flawless, manscaped brow and pampered cheeks to you and batting his lightly mascara’d eyes says he “can no longer live this lie” and must reveal his secret… no he isn’t gay……HE is the “Man”
… you have been courting, neigh hounding, the lovely Rebecca for some time now. Finally, she agrees to a romantic rendezvous. You usher in the festivities choosing wisely from your assortment of cheap cologne. With a cooler full of Bartles and James you are ready and all sign are a go. Rebecca eases in front of you, unlatches her cupcakes (stole that from Squeeze), unbuttons her blouse….hikes up her skirt… and reveals…SHE is the “Man”!
WELCOME to the new world Ladies and Gentleman. A world where we must up our game if we are to stick it to the “Man”, for all too soon sticking it to the man will be easily misconstrued as racism, sexism, bigotry or just plain being mean to old white men…and none of us want to be accused of any of those do we? Round one to…….. the “MAN”.
I will be playing my songs of freedom, from oppression, choice and the working week on Friday, September 5, 2008 at the Avon Old Farms Restaurant Tavern @ 6PM. Drop by the rally, raise a pint and a finger to the MAN! …while we all still can.
Regards
Al
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com]
Good to be back! I took some time off to paint.
Truth be told…it has been a challenge to get all the paint out of my nooks and crannies. I should be all cleaned up by the 18th.
Regards Al
You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **All representations and likenesses are strictly fictional and farcical by nature and design** **Any display of wit, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome **
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] What a thrill! Shaking hands with Salman Rushdie! Talk about an adrenaline rush…just like jumpin’ out into a shooting range to replace a fallen target…
Yes, Salman was in town this week at the Hartford promoting his newest novel…which I will be reading shortly! As some of you may know… I am a big fan. BUT the REAL reason I HAD to meet Mr. Rushdie was to ask him a burning question that could only be answered by him…the world’s second most famous house guest. ….see I am redecorating my home and wanted to squeeze out of him any insight he might have to offer into the general décor de la casa de Bono! That’s right Rushdie is Bono’s Kato Kaelin! Here is what Salman had to say….lots of mirrors, thorny bushes and bowls of candy Swedish Fish (green ones removed). Apparently, Bono is a bit of a magic buff and likes to produce Swedish Fish from behind the ears of visiting children. A symptom of his “Christ Complex” perhaps… The best part….reports uncle Salmie… is Bono’s bed…..
Hard to find sheets but as Bono doesn’t really lay down so much as hover slightly over them, he needn’t wash them very often I will be applying my hobby as trade this week on Thursday 6/12 at Cypress Restaurant in Middletown, The Grist Mill in Farmington on Black Friday 6/13 and at a private party, which none of you are invited to, on Saturday 6/14 (wave away its Flag Day!) at a non-disclosed (to you) location. Regards Al You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailing, for any reason, please let us know** **Any display of wit seen above, whether accidental or intentional, real or imagined, is in no way a guarantee of reproduction in a live setting…the actual speed of my wit leans away from quick and more towards lumbersome ** |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Well I was in Austin Texas for a little mini-tour of sorts a week or so ago. Though it appears I was on the bottom of the bill…..the performance times do in fact provide proof of my status as… HEADLINER! They tried to make me share a dressing room..I would not as the puppets all smelled like hands, the yoga kids and their mats like feet and poor Ron Paul just smelled like “crazy”
It is hard to tell from the picture but the guy in green was actually shutting the door on the woman in magenta to quote him ”I did not camp out all night to hold the door open for you lady magenta whose blue bag does not match at all her black pants or emerald shoes (not seen)!” The man later insisted I sign his lower back as he planned to have a local tattoo artist convert it into “forever”…truth be told… it creep’d me out a bit. Anyhow….I will be playing the Olive Bar on Thursday and then the beautiful courtyard of Bosc kitchen on Saturday evening…come for the Cherry Crème Brule stay to hear me sing songs See you all soon Al P.S. When in Austin I did get to catch a show by my friends (might not say the same about me), Chris Berardo and the DesBerardo Band . They are currently operating as undercover Yankees in king crazy Coe’s court…. well worth you checking them out…soon please.. if their cover is ever blown there could be a lynchin’! You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know** |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] So for those of you who were at the Grist Mill last Saturday…you will of course know….. McCartney was in the house! My apologies to SirP for having doubted him…BUT the even BIGGER surprise….. He brought his new girlfriend! (see the look of love on his face)
Just image my discomfort as I performed “Jealous Guy” and “In My Life”! The Beatles breakup is so clear to me now….yes, it was a love triangle, BUT it was not Paul and Yoko fighting for John’s attention….it was John and Paul fighting over Yoko’s sweet, though somewhat hard, dry and prickly sweet love yes ! He ordered from the Tavern menu, 10 Noank Oysters on half shell followed by Grilled Beef Kabobs over rice pilaf (vegetarian my foot) and she ordered from the dining room menu, Norwegian Smoked Salmon Tartare Style on Gaufrettes Potato Lattice followed by Zuppa D’ Pesce Seafood Medley w/ Linguine and then the “Carpetbagger”, Lobster Stuffed Filet Mignon w/Béarnaise Sauce. Ate like a pig she did….hands behind her back, face in the dish…took the dishwasher three tries to get all the lipstick and teeth marks off of the plate! For dessert they shared Lennon Cheesecake. This week I will be back at the Grist Mill in Unionville on Friday and at Bosc Kitchen in Avon on Saturday. Come on down and see who drops in this week. Al PS…that is me in the back wearing my new “gig” hat. You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know** |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Well… I bumped into Paul McCartney this past week. He said he was gonna drop by the gig. He LOVES the food there at the Mill. Don’t get too excited…all talk that McCartney. Though I don’t doubt he loves the food (who doesn’t)….I doubt he will show. “Memory Almost Full”….very forgetful these days…he wears those bracelets in case he wanders off
Have a nice Spring Week! Al You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Well… I had to take some time off to recover from the passing of one of my idols….Charlton J. Heston. But now I am back in business….and in Mr. Heston’s honor…“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!” … we will be performing “Apeman” by the Kinks on Thursday, May 8th @ the Olive Bar in Unionville, CT.
Rumor has it that old Chuck was some kind of ladies man….. “GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR SWEET LOVE….YOU DAMN DIRTY APE!”
As far as I am concerned, Heston is to the silver screen what Shatner is to television… he will be missed… you never had to wonder if he was acting…you always knew….. Hope to see you all soon…but if not, rest assured, you will have plenty of opportunity to come see me play as I will continue to do so until they rip the guitar “from my cold, dead hands!” Regards, Al PS….I have nothing against Charlton Heston…I just thought the pictures were hilarious! You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] It was great to see some of you this past weekend! Thank you so much for coming out. I have a couple performances this weekend and then I will be taking a couple weeks off to think about what I have done. In honor of my wife’s ongoing stint as a student teacher…..
Albert, seen here caught red-handed, has been painting bridges, street signs and high rock formations for weeks now. I have told him that though I very much appreciate his endorsement, he must stop the madness. Ever since he found out I wrote the song “The Unlucky Painter” after seeing his exhibit at the Natural History Museum in NYC there is no reasoning with the dear misguided fellow. He loves me…what can I say…we have similar hair. Perhaps if I get him hooked on SUDOKU…. Regards, Al You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Hello. I have a busy week coming up… The Olive Bar, The Grist Mill & Cafe Mozart down in New York. The Olive Bar gig I will be playing with John on Drums. The added beat will go a long way in keeping me afloat. I tried to call Bob and ask his permission to use the image below…but…no luck. I did, however, leave a message saying he could use one of my images anytime he wants.
The depiction below is of course John who will be dead tired after the Thursday night gig at the Olive Bar. I will be found on Friday evening gently tucked into the far corner of the Grist Mill where I will quietly raise a ruckus.
Then on to Café Mozart…..where love will no doubt be in the air..though not a single mountain will be present.
As many of you already know, the above is from the cover of one of my favorite books. It is the story of an American Indian Body builder and an Irish/American Lass. I recently reread the ending and had myself a nice sob in the shower. Now to answer the questions…. Will their love overcome his part ownership of a casino and her gambling addiction? Yes! Though there is a tough stretch when she discovers online poker. He eventually installs parental controls on their internet connection. Will they recover from their wind chill induced pneumonia? Yes…although he does lose a nipple to frostbite. Will they get served lunch with him in his loin cloth and her without shoes? No! BUT their love is all the nourishment they will ever need! Or so they thought……… Does he ultimately strangle his new love (climactic scene seen above) and return to his career as a waiter at Chip & Dale’s, a fish and chips chain that employs as waiters “could have been” and former Chippendale dancers? No! This scene actually depicts “Walks with Steriods” first discovering the Lasses Freckles. He reacts poorly believing them to be “rabbit speckles” a sure sign of infertility according to Pequat Elders. Throwing her aside he returns to the wind and she to NYC where she meets a cop named O’Leary and proceeds to have a family of 8. Regards, Al You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Today I present to you.. choice...choice venues all… at which to catch a performance of the albinoTree! Now I say performance as if it is staged with costume and lighting, this is not the case… yet! Lights are on order and Susan, my wife, is finishing up my sequined replica "Elvis in Vegas" jumper.... I will have my new fan club/singers joining me at Avon Old Farms, the “Valley Girls” and yes…”those boots ARE made for walkin’”
A special note..my very dear friend and guitar player extraordinaire, Paul "the Scottish Blister" Bremner will be joining me (for real) for the gig at the Olive Bar on Saturday. He is definitely worth the price of admission!
And if and when you have had enough nonsense, please join me at The Grist Mill for some sophistication and taste. Riff-Raff need not attend…you know who you are.
Happy St. pEaster’s Day. I will be refraining from gigging on this coming Friday so as to steer clear of any potential lightning hazards and/or end of days down pours. Regards, Al You can check our website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let us know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
Al Guimaraes [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] In honor of Valentine’s Day….I have another date booked at Café Mozart in NY…
The above is from the cover of one of my favorite books. It is the story of an American Indian Body builder and an Irish/American Lass. Will their love overcome his part ownership of a casino and her gambling addiction? Will they recover from their wind chill induced pneumonia? Will they get served lunch with him in his loin cloth and her without shoes? Does he ultimately strangle his new love (climactic scene seen above) and return to his career as a waiter at Chip & Dale’s, a fish and chips chain that employs as waiters “could have been” and former Chippendale dancers? AND NOW an exciting new venue well worth a visit for Dinner….and music….Seriously….Bosc Kitchen & Wine Bar, Avon, CT http://www.boscwinebar.com/
Bosc is the perfect place to philosophize while enjoying the fruit of the vine. Unfortunately, the subject of the flyer does not “enjoy responsibly”. Interpreting the painting with my single semester Community College Art education…(true) …before Socrates (on Left) passed out, Socrates (in center) told his famous “pull my finger” joke and all those in attendance busted a gut upon hearing the punch line. NOTE: Formally, I was playing at the Grist Mill on the 23rd but that has now changed to the Bosc Kitchen in Avon. I bear no malice to the Grist Mill and will be there this Saturday night (Feb 16th @ 6:30 PM) Regards, Al You can check my website for gig dates, times and directions http://www.albinotree.com/GigSchedulePage.htm **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let me know**
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
From:
al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com [mailto:al.guimaraes@albinosongs.com] Alas, Pour Yorchick Another Drink......Hello folks, I have booked some more dates at the Olive Bar and the Grist Mill I want to let you know about. I may even have a very special guest joining me for one of the Olive Bar dates (we are checking with the parole board). If we get the all clear I can guarantee you as much fun as you can remember. So I have two flyers for the Olive Bar this time around as I was unsure if the first would be too saucy. Some folks might miss the Shakespearean reference (none of you on this distribution of course) which elevates the piece from low brow "Trekkie" smut to a piece of high brow pop art. So I made a second to give the guys at the Olive Bar a choice which to use (though I suspect we might see a Shakespearean reference on the men's bathroom wall at the very least!) And finally a bit of taste and class to match the exceptional dinning and ambiance at the Grist Mill. Hope to see some of you there or there. Regards, Al PS. I realize I do have a band name....and though it may appear that i am playing all alone, there are others playing along with me in my head. That being said, I continue to search for tangible musicians to make an official Treo. If anyone knows someone looking to play some music, let me know. Tuba Player, Accordian, Oboe....Spoons **If you would like to be excluded from any future emailings, for any reason, please let me know** |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||
